The downy cheek

11 Nov

My favorite boy

I love having a baby in my life again. Holding my little boy, nuzzling his face and pressing kisses all over his soft cheeks, while he closes his eyes and gurgles in delight, is the best feeling in the world. It leaves me all warm and fuzzy, and slightly dazed.

Every uh and ah is like an arrow, a thud deep in my heart. Sometimes it’s painful, like a choking, binding pressure. It lasts no more than a second, but it takes its toll; it makes me shake my head and realize that I, who at times feel like little more than a girl, am responsible for this life, for this human being, for this person that I produced. It makes the weight of what I have undertaken more ponderous and the joy of every moment more meaningful.

Life can deal us a bitter card sometimes, and we will always carry the burden of sadness and disappointments, but what a blessing it is to rejoice in what is good, to see the light that blots out the darkness. I sometimes feel the absence of loved ones, of the ease of familiarity and the comfort of home, but when the clouds pass, I have the undiluted certainty that life has smiled on me, that I am one of the lucky ones, that regardless of grievances and misfortunes, bitterness would be unpardonable in me, because I have what is most precious: I have love, and I have health. I have safety and happiness. I have two children who smile when they see my face, and a friend to hold my hand throughout the journey.

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7 Responses to “The downy cheek”

  1. O. Machado November 12, 2008 at 2:12 am #

    What a beautiful essay! It is a deep touching way to express your feelings. It produces a sense of the wonderful human being you are. Once again, we are very proud of you. Thank you for let us know the kind of mother you are.

  2. Marlon November 12, 2008 at 9:55 am #

    Honey, you’re a better photographer than I will ever be. This picture is testament to that.

  3. aighmeigh November 13, 2008 at 5:25 am #

    What an absolutely gorgeous photo to accompany a wonderful bit Truth. Parenthood is amazing and emotionally exhausting for me… sometimes I look at La Hija and remember how tiny she was in the NICU, or how she used to roll around and kick in my belly, and although she’s 2 1/2 yrs old, I still get choked up.

    It is indeed a love like no other. :)

  4. Natalian November 13, 2008 at 11:18 pm #

    I enjoyed reading your post and could identify with what you had written as I am a mother of two boys. My eldest is 4 years old and my youngest has just recently turned 1! I can’t believe how time flew with my second baby, but I can relate to wanting to internalise every baby smell, gurgle and smile! Enjoy every moment!

  5. Helen November 17, 2008 at 3:14 pm #

    What a gorgeous little boy, such a sweet smile! You must be so proud. He’s an absolute diddums.

  6. Monster Librarian November 18, 2008 at 12:43 am #

    What a lovely reflection. Glad you are enjoying your new little one!

  7. Karrie November 24, 2008 at 9:21 am #

    Congratulations on a beautiful baby boy! I have been reading what you have been posting, but haven’t had a chance to send my sincerest wishes for a wonderful, happy life for your son and your whole family until now. I have a 1 year old daughter and can totally relate the the joy of being the most loved and cherished Mother by your children. It is a wonderful fulfilling feeling. It is times like those you mentioned that makes me thankful I was born a woman and have been blessed to be able to have my own family. Only now can we relate to our own parents and what they have done for us!

    I still enjoy your comments on Pakistan. We are coming for a visit in a week or so. I am looking forward to coming but am hesitant about entertaining the kids on such a long journey! Wish me luck and lots of patience..

    God bless you and your family.

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