Still Here

Today I am dusting off the cover of this blog. I am pulling off the cobwebs and chasing away the dust bunnies, and I promise never again to let so much time pass between posts.

I never intended to take a break from writing, but I have been lazy. I have gone with the flow and let myself sit back a little bit too comfortably on the couch.

Well, I’m correcting that now with a quick update of where I am since I last wrote.

Gained ten pounds, lost 2

Ruffled feathers on the domestic front. Thoroughly enjoyed said ruffling.

Looking forward to moving to a smaller, better house.

Really looking forward to going home to America for the summer.

Baby son is not such a baby anymore.

Happy to have found a good school for my daughter.

Planning my daughter’s Sixth Birthday Party.

Planning, in my mind’s eye, our return to America in the next three years.

Getting better with the sewing machine.

Hoping to replace my cranky Pfaff sewing machine one day.

Learned to choose fabrics for dressmaking in Pakistan.

Enjoying a revival of sorts on the fashion front.

Happy to be writing on my blog again.

NaBloPoMo: Past the Midway Point

I’ve made it past the hump without missing a day, but it’s been close.

I have plenty of ideas, but fitting in the time to write has been a challenge sometimes, especially because my concentration suffers when I’m interrupted constantly, as it is bound to happen with a young child.

So far, NaBloPoMo has been good for me. It has made me feel like a thinking adult who has something to say and it has forced me to put my thoughts on paper, as it were.

Living in a foreign country is a lonely experience at times. It’s easy to isolate yourself, and to tell the truth, I don’t have any friends here.

I’m not the kind of person who makes friendships quickly anyway, and I’ve always found it difficult to find people who share my interests and tastes. We’re talking Jane Austen and Charles Dickens here, who don’t mesh well with reality tv and the like, so, as a Hispanic American living in Pakistan, a non-muslim, non-religious, stay-at-home mother who likes to read and bake, let’s just say I’m not a sought-after friend.

I’m pretty happy in my own company though, and the things I like are solitary pursuits anyway, but “a change of scene and society” as my dear Lizzy says in P&P2, would not be unwelcome once in a while. In my case, the internet is a “most precious treasure” that I would not give up for anything. I don’t know if I could live in Pakistan without it.

I’m thinking I will make it to the end of the month. It’s 19 Down, 11 to Go.

Gray Day

I’m feeling pretty sorry for myself today. It’s been one of those days when everything piles on and I don’t have the strength to put on a happy face.

The word “Mama” being uttered every five two minutes jars on my nerves. I am homesick, and loneliness feels like a load on my shoulders that I can’t shake off. I am annoyed, too, that a new text message announcing another week of school closings due to security concerns arrived today. It’s the third week in a row. And to top it all, I have a rash on my face.

So, in order to cheer myself up I have decided to participate in the National Blog Posting Month for this year. I did it in 2007, and even though in my opinion it’s lost some of the fun since they turned it into a year-long thing, I think it will be good for me to have a daily goal, something other than changing diapers, feeding children and answering endless questions from a five-year-old. I love taking care of my family, and I do it gladly, but boy is it hard work. I sometimes think the life of a woman is a life of perpetual servitude.

29 to go…Here’s to a good November!

The Dardos Award

My friend Monster, from Misadventures of the Monster Librarian, has given me an award for this blog!

I am honored and grateful for the recognition. The Prémio Dardos is given for writing that is thoughtful and genuine, imbued with the writer’s personality and principles.

The rules, as Monster explains, are thus:

“1) Accept the award by posting it on your blog along with the name of the person that has granted the award and a link to his/her blog.
2) Pass the award to another 15 blogs that are worthy of this acknowledgement, remembering to contact each of them to let them know they have been selected for this award.”

I am very encouraged by this award, especially because conditions in Pakistan are sometimes not conducive to posting regularly. Right now I am only eight minutes away from another power cut, but I want to acknowledge Monster’s kindness without more delay.

January 23, 2009:  I will sit on my laurels for a little while before I pass on the award. I don’t have fifteen blogs that I read regularly, but I am loyal to the ones I visit. They are part of my daily life, as strange as that may sound.

Rushing and Waiting

There are two big reasons why it’s been a month since my last post: One, it’s very difficult to write when you’re holding a baby in your arms, and two, the electricity is going off every other hour, without fail, for a grand total of twelve hours a day, so that by the time I’ve lulled the baby to sleep and I am free to sit at the computer, the light is being cut off again.

The energy situation in Pakistan, in addition to everything else, is getting worse every day, something that I did not think was possible. It seems like we spend our time rushing to get things done before the light goes off, and waiting for the light to come back. So-called democracy has done very little to improve the lives of ordinary people here.

I have a lot on my mind lately, and I want to write about it, but I’ll have to be quick and lucky if I am to write anything at all. In the meantime, I want to point to the essays of the novelist Elizabeth George, because she expresses pretty much everything I feel about the coming presidential election.

Lazy is the Word

I have been trying to find a word to describe my state of being these past few months. I thought apathy might be it, because I simply can’t seem to get motivated to do several monumental tasks that need doing, like putting the winter clothes away, taking the summer ones out, de-cluttering the guest room in preparation for April visitors, or writing for this blog.

I’ve made a few starts, but they seem to splutter and die out before they get going. After much consideration, I have to admit that I just feel lazy!

Maybe it’s the fact that, speaking frankly, my husband and I are a bit disillusioned of living here, and that no matter how we manage our household, the outside world always manages to intrude in our otherwise peaceful and orderly existence. We find ourselves with increasing frequency simply staying home, never going anywhere, and seeing very few people. Even a trip to the grocery store gets deferred for another day when we can muster the forbearance to deal with the maddening traffic, the smog and the crowded shops.

Maybe it´s the fact that I am almost five months pregnant, with constant hunger accompanied by constant nausea, heartburn and a sour taste in my mouth.

Whatever the reason, I’m tired of it. There are one or two decisions we have to make in the near future, the most pressing one being whether the birth of our child will happen here in Pakistan or if I should make the considerable effort of travelling back to the United States.

It all depends on how we are treated at the American Embassy here, a prospect that, after a couple of bad experiences, fills me with trepidation and keeps hovering over my head with a somewhat unfriendly face.